Saturday, 25 July 2009

I leave Manchester tomorrow.

People keep asking if I am excited about going. They have been asking this for weeks now, and I have been telling them that no, I'm not really excited, but I am sure I will be when it gets closer to it.

But in little over 48 hours I will be in my new home in Buenos Aires, and I continue to be in an almost surreal state of calm. I am looking forward to it, of course. I am happy that I have a nice place to stay while I do my course, with friendly housemates that are my own age, and have made contact with the varied group that will be my classmates. I am looking forward to going to classes, to feeling the pressure of learning and assignments that need to be done. I have been looking at yoga classes online and am planning on taking up tango, as well. And after many months of virtually meat free living, I salivate at the thought of an Argentinian grill.

But excited? No. To be excited you have to be a bit nervous, I suppose, and I am taking it all in my stride. This is in stark contrast to how I was before I left for Ecuador, those who have been reading since then will remember. Then, I was terrified that something bad would happen. I was desperate to escape, but wanting an itinerary, a formula perhaps, that would make everything alright.

Now, I have a one way ticket, and people say 'how brave' to not have a plan, or 'what an adventure it will be'. Well, it may be adventure. It will be what I make of it, just as my time in Manchester has been. But I am not scared, and not brave either. To me, this is just the next leg of a journey that I have already begun.

I came back to Manchester because my money ran out, and all the time since then I have been getting ready to go off again, saving money and getting ideas together. Originally I felt stifled to have returned. I felt that I had failed, taken a backward step even, and that I needed to get away again. To escape properly. But not now. I have enjoyed my time in Manchester; being welcomed back to the theatre, welcomed back by old friends, and making new friends. And I know that whatever happens and however long it takes, Manchester will always be a home for me.

I am not running away. I am just moving on.

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