Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Not another false start.

Sorry, I've been gone a while.

There's a reason for that.

Mostly it's because there are enough blogs out there documenting people's self perpetuating sense of failure and feelings of isolation, and also because I have had so very little worthy of discussion.

Who cares that I have returned to my old place of work, having climbed down the career ladder, to a job that I actually rather enjoy, despite the pitying looks from old colleagues and concerned questions about how the 'job search' was going (I wasn't searching for a job)? Who cares that I was involved in a couple of creative projects that were lots of fun but could hardly be considered a concerted effort at a career change? And who really gives a fig that I still haven't written that book?

Except for me, of course. Hence the self perpetuating sense of failure and feeling of isolation. *Cue violins*

But all that is about to change, because I am going exploring (read "running away") again. This time I am going to Buenos Aires, and I have bought a one-way ticket. This doesn't mean that I will be gone forever, though in theory it might. I have a very loose plan, which involves training to teach English and then looking for work, and travelling when I have no work, until my savings dry up. This may not take very long, or (if I find a job, or any sort of genuine direction, really) it could be a journey that doesn't stop.

Teaching is, I have always said, the last job I would ever want to do. In the sense that my parents were both teachers (and my sister, for a while), and I witnessed through my childhood a great deal of stress and a very small amount of free time. Now I realise this is involved in most jobs, and I know that in theory teaching can be very rewarding. It is an honorable profession. Even so, I do have a deep set aversion to the idea. But I imagine teaching adults who actually want to learn is less stressful than a class of thirty-one teenagers that would rather be out shagging than learning a foreign language. It has to be worth a shot, and it's better than treading water back in Manchester, I suppose.

It will be amazing, I am sure. Whatever happens, it will inform my future and I will have seen something new of the world. And I miss the rainforest with a longing that can't be written, and this may bring me closer to it again.

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