I draw a lot of parallels between the behaviour of humans and other species, and I realised tonight that I might be slightly over egging it, to the effect that I am impressing my own impression of humanity onto animal behaviour to the detriment of my enjoyment of the wonder of 'creation'.

I had been listening to the sounds of the Capercaille. The recording I have is really magical, because it seems as if the bird is approaching and retreating from the microphone at exactly the right points in its call pattern to give an undulating sound. That, mixed with the gradual build up of other bird sounds in the background, creates a beautiful synphonic effect. It is almost like a piece of music in iteslf, if you discount the guy who talks in soft tones introducing a bird noise for a couple of seconds halfway into it.

I loved it so much I wanted to post it on here, but I couldn't, because I haven't quite figured out the audio file side of my new laptop (or how to do it on blogger). So I decided to look it up on youtube.

I found this instead, which (as with all of Attenborogh's stuff) is a great piece of footage. But you know what I was thinking as my mental picture was replaced by the image of the real battle/ courtship?

Cocking hell. They think that agressive behaviour and a bit of posturing will charm the ladies. What th.. not only do they get their pick of the hens, but they get a bloody harem? The bloody cocks!

I am sure that the Capercaillie hens do not mind, and that this pattern of behaviour has evolved to the benefit of most involved. So, why did it upset me so much?

Indecision is the father of obscurity.

It appears to me that projects and opportunities open up just when there really isn't enough time to fit everything in. But then again inactivity leads to stagnation, so that makes sense.

My problem is, that once an opportunity arises, I find it very difficult to admit that I may not have the time to commit to it. For example, I was offered some extra work today that would be something different, perhaps interesting, easily done and a little extra cash. The only snag is that I am already scheduled to work at the same times in my usual job, which is also easily done, mostly quite pleasant, and in which I get free time to read, think and write.

There is a lazy, selfish part of me that thinks it makes sense to stay doing what I usually do, even if it is just to spend my last few weeks in the country working with friends rather than acquaintances, while logic tells me that it would be foolhardy to reject picking up a new mini-skill for marginally better money.

I am a grown woman. If I can be this indecisive about a few weeks' casual work, no wonder I have been at such a loss juggling the rest of life's desires.