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With mixed feelings, I will be back in Manchester on September 7th.

I am truly excited to see my friends and family again, and am looking forward to taking a long hot bath with a glass of Cotes du Rhone and the Guardian Weekend magazine. I want to see a play and walk in the great hall of the theatre in the dark. I want to play scrabble and eat a 16" pizza.

Some things, some people, I can always rely on. But still I am very nervous. Aside from the fact that I will be swapping the mist, mud and monkeys for cars and concrete, some other things will have changed for certain. More to the point, I have changed. Just how much I don´t yet know, but some things are already different, and make my stomach flip in anticipation.

The first major difference is that I will not be moving back into my appartment. That epoch is now over. When I first arrive I will be hosted by one of my favourite people in the world, so it´s not that bad, but neither is it long term or secure. I need to find a new place, which leads to another worry.

I have no money. Galapagos wiped me out completely. I need to pay back some money (rather a lot of money, as it happens), and I also need to make some money rather sharpish to be able to live and to be able to get back to Ecuador.

There are three points to consider. One, I have no job. Two, I don´t really want to get a serious career job if I am heading back to the jungle to write a book and make my future happen. Three, I want to get back to the jungle in time to observe the mating season, and that will not be possible on minimum wage.

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What do I do? Will Ebay cope? Make mine an agua, por favor.

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Suggestions are welcome.

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The other concern is physical. My body is now a temple, don´t you know, and I don´t want to desecrate it. Seriously though, except for the skin fungus, scars, and parasites, working in the jungle does wonders for the health.

I will not be surprised if many of my clothes no longer fit. Without consciously making it so, my body has changed. Less for the aesthetics of it all, and more for the way I feel, I don´t want to get slack again. Will walking to town from Chorlton and back every day be sufficient substitute to hiking up to six hours in a day or working with a machete from 8 to 12 and 2 to 4?

Also, I have not smoked one single drag for almost a month. Here, I don´t feel any need to pick up a cigarette, but will I fall back into bad habits in Manchester?

The blog will change too. It will have to document how I cope with this new life. To explain how I find my way back to the forest and how the book is going.

I am looking forward to finding out.

But for now I think all that I need is just to make the most of the beach while I am still here.

Hasta pronto!

Footsteps fading in the moonlit sand

Last night was a full moon, and the clouds above the Montanita beach parted at times to light up the sea like daytime.

We shared a bottle of Castillo del Diablo with glass cups borrowed from the hostal, took self timed photos balancing the camera on Antonio´s flip flops, and chatted round in circles, about silly things and about life, until just before dawn.

It was my last night on the beach in Ecuador, my last evening of vacations before the final stint in the jungle. It could not pass without a hint of sadness.

I don´t want to leave, I said.

You have to get used to the fact that you are going home, he said.

I know, that´s why I ´m thinking about it. And I am happy to go and see my friends and family, but it will be so difficult to come back. I want to be here in December, when the season is different in the jungle and the birds are mating, but the flight is so expensive I don´t know how I can do it.

Why don´t you extend your visa? You could get a job here. There was a volunteer from Germany who did the same thing last year. It´s possible.

Perhaps it is possible, but it would be very difficult. And now I don´t have any money, I wouldn´t be able to live. I could get a job here in Montanita, but I don´t want to live here. I want to live in Bilsa, and I can´t earn money there. I have to go back and work, at least until I have enough money to come back.

Well, that´s life. Now stop moaning and lets dance.